


And All I See Is You

by seathehorizon



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Actor Kim Seokjin | Jin, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dancer Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Established Relationship, Jungkook and Namjoon are both mentioned, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Producer Min Yoongi | Suga, Rapper Min Yoongi | Suga, Sex, Smut, past sope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seathehorizon/pseuds/seathehorizon
Summary: An email. At first, Seokjin naively thought it was related to Yoongi’s album, but the message was fairly informal, a simple message of wanting to meet up and how ‘it had been a while’. No big deal. Except for the name at the bottom.Jung Hoseok.Seokjin felt his heart skip a beat and a cold tingling started down in his toes before spreading upwards. Oh.
Relationships: Kim Seokjin | Jin/Min Yoongi | Suga
Comments: 13
Kudos: 272
Collections: Jin Fic Fest





	And All I See Is You

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [JinFicFest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/JinFicFest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> As an actor, Seokjin can mask everything. He can mask being secured, safe. Seokjin was supposed to feel secure. Yoongi and he had been together for 6 years now and given the time, Yoongi might even propose to him. But he felt threatened by the return of none other than Hoseok, the dancer and mysterious lover from the past, Yoongi's unofficial ex boyfriend, who might or might not be the muse of a lot of Yoongi's songs.
> 
> Angst please!! Btm Jin if it's possible.

Seokjin had been unsure about many things in his life. He had been unsure about himself, wondered whether he was good enough, whether he deserved to be loved, whether he could do his job correctly. He had been unsure about his future and if he would make it or end up a failure, about his relationships and how genuine they were, his friendships. People had used him for his looks, his money and his fame, and it was tiring to have to pretend he was fine - though he did it anyway, because that was the kind of person he was.

One thing he hadn't been unsure about was Yoongi. The love of his life, his best friend, the man he had spent the last six years with and who made him feel happy and secure.

They met when Seokjin was twenty-five, Yoongi twenty-four. Seokjin had spotted him in the supermarket - ever so romantic - and he'd been watching him pick out beef, his face mask pulled beneath his chin as he pouted at the selection, something sad about his entire demeanour, but he had seemed so… _interesting_. Or perhaps it was the fact that he looked exactly the way Seokjin felt.

Wanting to cheer him up - and admittedly wishing to buy some beef himself - he had walked over confidently and said: "How does a cow laugh?" And, without waiting for an answer: "Moohahaha!" Then he had started laughing at his own joke, while Yoongi had stared at him with a deadpan look on his face.

"That was the worst joke I've ever heard," he had eventually said, his expression giving nothing away. "I'll give you my number so you can try again later."

To be honest, Seokjin still wasn't sure who had been more surprised by that bold move, because Yoongi himself had promptly avoided his eyes and looked a little like he wanted to die. Either way, Seokjin had been even more intrigued by his guts and his honesty, and had exchanged numbers with Yoongi with little hesitation. It hadn't taken him long to realise that Yoongi had no clue who he was; Seokjin was only a beginning actor at the time and although his family was well known, Yoongi didn't exactly keep up with the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

"I thought you were beautiful and the fact that you laughed that hard at your own joke around a complete stranger made me want to get to know you better," had been Yoongi's explanation.

From there they had moved on to texting - Seokjin would send more dad jokes, Yoongi would tell him they were terrible and then send his own - to calling, to meeting up in person. Initially as friends, but then they kissed on Seokjin's birthday, danced around each other for a while until Yoongi's birthday, when they almost kissed again, up to a few weeks after, when they finally got together. A year later they moved in together.

Since then, Seokjin had felt comfortable. Yes, out there he still needed to be careful - some people were out to ruin him or use him - but at home, with Yoongi, he was safe. He could be himself and know he was still loved. If he was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to sit in silence, Yoongi let him. If he wanted to ramble on about something, Yoongi listened. If he hated the silence, Yoongi would speak to him in his soothing voice about whatever came to mind, or he'd play him one of his songs. If he decided he wanted to dress up and walk around the house wearing makeup and expensive clothes, Yoongi looked at him as though he were the most exquisite creature on earth. If he instead wanted to lounge around bare faced and wearing sweatpants or his softest pyjamas, Yoongi still did the exact same thing.

He kissed him reverently, sweetly, passionately, and although their sex could be fast and rough when they were desperate, most of the time Yoongi treated him like he was the most precious thing in the world and worked hard to make him feel good. He made him feel special.

And of course it wasn't one-sided: he might not have been able to read Yoongi's expression during their first meeting, but now he could tell quite well what his boyfriend was thinking and feeling and he was there for him quietly, supporting him and being someone Yoongi could lean on - literally and figuratively - whenever he needed to. He loved Yoongi with all his heart and he wanted to be good for him, something he now realised came naturally. He didn't need to try too hard, because he was fine as he was, which had been difficult to believe but Yoongi made sure to remind him of this as often as needed.

"You're staring at me," Yoongi mumbled, turning his head away from the TV to glance over at Seokjin. He quickly turned back, appearing both pleased and embarrassed. His lovely contradiction: Yoongi pretended to hate praise and attention sometimes, yet he not so secretly thrived under it. He was quite shy, but loved knowing he was appreciated, something Seokjin was more than happy to help out with.

"It's because you're very pretty, Yoongi," Seokjin said matter-of-factly, catching the soft upwards curl of Yoongi's lips as he scoffed. To be honest, Seokjin could relate. For two people in the limelight, they were much more comfortable away from it, and even though he was known as "worldwide handsome", a title he carried everywhere, Seokjin didn't _actually_ believe he was the most handsome person in the world. (However, he was aware he was attractive; no point pretending otherwise.) It was a great ice breaker, though.

And Yoongi was indeed very pretty. His eyes were sharp and soft at the same time, his features delicate, and Seokjin dared anyone to not fall for Yoongi's smile.

"I love you," he added with a sigh, reaching out to play with Yoongi's hair. His boyfriend immediately leaned into the touch, his eyes sliding shut.

"Hmm… I love you too," Yoongi mumbled back. He rolled his head to the side and looked into Seokjin's eyes before leaning in and pressing their lips together. Seokjin hummed contentedly as he returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around Yoongi's neck.

What he was sure had been intended as an innocent peck soon turned into more, the kiss turning deeper and more insistent, still slow. Even when Seokjin felt Yoongi's tongue against the seam of his lips and he gladly parted them to let him in, it stayed sensual rather than sexual. Even when Yoongi gently pushed Seokjin down on the settee and covered his body with his own, even when he left open-mouthed kisses down Seokjin's neck, even when he slid his hands under Seokjin's shirt and along his abs.

"Let's move to the bedroom," Yoongi muttered against Seokjin's stomach, Seokjin responding with a quick nod and a whispered "yes, please". Yoongj got to his feet and held out his hand to Seokjin, gently pulling him along while squeezing his hand.

Once in their room, Seokjin crawled onto the bed, pulling his shirt over his head and shoving his pants down his legs, all while Yoongi simply stared at him with dark eyes, taking him in like he had never seen him naked before and was loving every second of it.

"Come here," Seokjin said softly, waiting for Yoongi to move between his spread legs and then tugging Yoongi's shirt off, admiring Yoongi's softer yet surprisingly strong physique. He left a kiss on his collarbone, then laved at the skin as he started to unbutton Yoongi's pants, smiling to himself when his boyfriend's breathing sped up, his hand now on the back of Seokjin's head.

When they were both fully naked, Yoongi leaned down to kiss Seokjin again, more slowly now, Seokjin moaning into his mouth. It didn't take long for Seokjin to lie back and Yoongi to lean over him, his fingers coated in the lube they kept by the bed. Seokjin watched Yoongi, his own face flushed from arousal and the undivided attention, Yoongi's eyes glittering and lips parted, as he slipped his fingers into Seokjin's body. Seokjin loved those fingers, loved how they looked, loved how they touched him, how they spread him apart - and put him back together.

Seokjin groaned when Yoongi's cock entered him. He arched his back and grasped at Yoongi's back, pulling him down and bucking his hips when Yoongi latched onto his neck, suckling as he grinded into him, his long fingers slithering between their bodies and wrapping around Seokjin. He rubbed his thumb over the head and dipped it into the slit, making Seokjin leak outrageously.

"God, you feel so good around me," Yoongi panted against him, his thrusts growing more irregular and his hand growing sloppy.

"You can call me Jin," Seokjin responded breathily, unable to resist.

Yoongi groaned and let out a strangled laugh. "Oh for- You're such a dick."

"Maybe, but you love this dick." Seokjin wiggled his eyebrows, feeling oddly accomplished when Yoongi flashed him a fond yet exasperated grin. "And I love yours too."

"Hm…" Yoongi picked up the pace and slammed in a little harder. "Then let me use it already and just-" He breathed faster and tightened the grip he had around Seokjin. "Just- come."

Seokjin forced himself to focus on the glide of Yoongi inside of him and on the hand stroking him so wonderfully, until he finally gasped and yelled, his muscles locking up as he spurted over Yoongi's hand and their stomachs, shuddering as he pressed kisses to every part of Yoongi he could reach, whispering broken dirty things to him till he came, moaning something that might have been "Jin".

They kissed lazily for a bit longer while Yoongi softened. When he pulled out, Seokjin wrinkled his nose at the wetness he could feel dripping out of him.

"We need to start using condoms again," he said firmly as Yoongi wiped him down quickly with a towel. "I always forget what a mess it is without."

Yoongi chuckled and balled up the towel, throwing it in the wash basket and ignoring Seokjin's grimace. "You're the one who insisted we drop them," he reminded him, helping Seokjin to the bathroom on wobbly feet.

"You're not the one with cum up his ass," Seokjin grumbled, leaning against the counter while Yoongi turned on the shower. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get it all out?"

Yoongi raised his eyebrows and helped him get under the water. "I'm the one helping you do so, so yes, I'd say I know," he said dryly. "Here, turn around so I can clean you up. I'll even wash your hair for you."

"Fine, fine," Seokjin sniffed, sighing at the hot water running down his back. "That was nice, though, thank you."

"Don't thank me for that," Yoongi said softly as he bent Seokjin forward and gently pushed his fingers back in so he could clean him out, cooing when Seokjin flinched from oversensitivity. "You made me feel good too, you know. If anything, I should be thanking you." When he was done, he tapped Seokjin's hip to let him know he could turn back around. He smiled up at him and stroked along Seokjin's side. "So thank you."

"Okay, you're right, this is awkward," Seokjin admitted, as much as he wanted to squish Yoongi's cheeks right now. "Just wash me and my hair and I'll do the same for you."

Yoongi rolled his eyes good-naturedly, but did as told. Afterwards, they helped each other towel themselves dry and remade the bed (Yoongi should really accept Seokjin's suggestion of having two beds: one for sex, one for sleeping). Yoongi was the first to curl up under the duvet, looking small and cute as he blinked up at Seokjin.

As Seokjin got in with him, Yoongi promptly reaching out to cling to his sleep shirt (neither of them were too fond of cuddling while actually trying to sleep; beforehand was fine, but they liked having some space), all Seokjin could think about was how this was all he needed. And he still felt so very safe.

"What do you think of this one?"

Taehyung placed yet another hat on his head and posed in front of the mirror to view it from different angles. Seokjin spotted an employee gaping at them and sighed to himself. He understood, though: Taehyung was very handsome, _and_ a well-known model, so people tended to stare at him quite often.

"It looks good," Seokjin told him. "It doesn't look too different from the last one, though." He held up his hands defensively when Taehyung looked at him sharply, ready to argue. "To me it doesn't. But I'm not that into hats, you know that." Yoongi wore hats more than he did, and even he tended to stick to the same ones.

Taehyung pouted at his reflection contemplatively and replaced the hat by another one. "How are things with Yoongi hyung?" he asked as he tilted his head. He pulled a face and tugged the hat back off. "I haven't seen him in a while, so I take it he's been busy with work?"

"Yes, he's been working on his new album." His hard-working boyfriend had decided to release something new, something different, and he was rather nervous about it. Seokjin told Taehyung as much. "I think he's concerned it will be too far off his usual songs and that his fans won't like it. I told him I'm his fan and I like it so far, but he just called me biased."

"You are," Taehyung agreed, like he was any better himself. "That's amazing, though, I'm happy for him. Do you reckon he'll do a tour once it's out?"

Honestly, Seokjin had no clue. Yoongi loved music and he loved to perform, but he hadn't mentioned anything of the sort this time. Perhaps he was waiting till it was completed, or till he had a better idea of people's response, or perhaps… Seokjin didn't want to get his hopes up, but at times it felt like Yoongi was planning something. Something big. Something related to him and Seokjin. He didn't want to jinx it by bringing it up, but even Jeongguk had mentioned that he'd caught Yoongi looking at rings once on his laptop, which he had promptly shut and then he had acted all nonchalant (in other words: uncomfortable).

Not that Seokjin thought a marriage should mean no more touring, but a wedding would mean a postponement, wouldn't it? Perhaps this album was a build-up to something special and at the end of it, their lives would change forever (though Seokjin didn't buy into the idea that marriage necessarily changed anything about an already committed relationship, apart from officially).

"I-" Seokjin paused. Should he mention it? If it weren't true, it would be embarrassing, but he also knew their friends were convinced they'd get married eventually. Tentatively, he decided to tell Taehyung his suspicion, his hope, as well as Jeongguk’s revelation, though not without first making him promise not to mention it to anyone else.

After his initial surprise, Taehyung grinned so widely Seokjin almost worried he’d split his face and he hugged him tightly. “I hope you’re right, hyung,” he said softly. “It would be very romantic and very him, you know?”

Seokjin had to agree: Yoongi wasn’t one for grand gestures and, to be honest, Seokjin wasn’t either, but a proposal was a big deal and this would be an ideal middle ground for them. Plus, it included music, one of Yoongi’s greatest loves, and that made it perfect.

“I’m trying not to get my hopes up,” Seokjin admitted when they broke the hug. “After all, I could be wrong, about the timing if not the entire situation, but…”

“Even if you are wrong, it will happen one day,” Taehyung stated, sounding extremely certain of himself. “However, I hope you’re right. You two are practically married as it is, but your wedding would be amazingly exciting. Two of my best friends…” He took off his current hat and ruffled his hair. “You know what, you should propose if he doesn’t.”

Seokjin scoffed at that, though he wasn’t entirely opposed to it. They had never actually discussed proposals or what their preferences would be - who should be the one to do so, when, where, how - but… he wouldn’t mind being the one to take on that role if Yoongi didn’t for some reason.

“Please, if he doesn’t, he doesn’t deserve me,” Seokjin said dismissively, making Taehyung snort.

“Sure, hyung.” He grabbed the last hat he’d tried on as well as his bag and slid his arm through Seokjin’s to escort him to the tills. “Do include me in your plans if it doesn’t happen, I’m sure I could help put together something unforgettable. _More_ unforgettable, that is.”

Considering the birthday party Taehyung had thrown for Jimin last year - there had been fire and at one point a parade - Seokjin didn’t doubt that. However… “Lowkey is key, Taehyung, we don’t want to scare him off.” He quickly regretted not simply saying he’d think about it, as now he had to put up with Taehyung’s sulking and his insistence that _of course_ he could do lowkey, what did Seokjin take him for, didn’t he remember the quiet picnic along Han River he had organised for Namjoon’s birthday last year? (Afterwards they’d gone on a bike ride and Taehyung had had people in various spots along the route busking or otherwise attracting attention. It had been fun, sure, but not exactly lowkey.)

By the time Seokjin got home, he had managed to appease Taehyung and come to the realisation that he likely never wanted children as his friends were enough. He opened the door and stopped short when he saw Yoongi’s shoes by the door. Yoongi had said he’d be out all day and although Seokjin certainly didn’t mind his boyfriend being home early, it was a bit of a surprise.

When he stepped into the living room, he smiled at the sight of Yoongi curled up on the settee, his laptop open. Upon spotting him, Yoongi returned the smile and placed his laptop aside, tilting his head up for a kiss Seokjin was only too happy to deliver.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be home till later,” Seokjin pointed out as he made his way to the kitchen to grab a drink.

“Change of plans.” Yoongi waited till he was back and beside him, their thighs pressed together, and grabbed his free hand. “How was Taehyung?”

“Fine, really. I told him about your album and I’m pretty sure he’ll demand a private concert if you don’t hold a tour.” It wouldn’t be the first time, though so far Yoongi hadn’t given in; Taehyung liked to claim the title of Yoongi’s biggest fan, much to Seokjin’s annoyance. “If he ends up begging you for a preview, you know why.”

Yoongi chuckled and shook his head, appearing embarrassed and pleased at the same time. “Ah, he always gives me too much credit.” As though he didn’t love every second of it. He hesitated, squeezing Seokjin’s hand nervously and using his free hand to rub at his neck. “So… I got a message today.” He reached for his laptop and tapped on the keyboard, then turned it around so Seokjin could see the screen.

An email. At first, Seokjin naively thought it was related to Yoongi’s album, but the message was fairly informal, a simple message of wanting to meet up and how ‘it had been a while’. No big deal. Except for the name at the bottom.

Jung Hoseok.

Seokjin felt his heart skip a beat and a cold tingling started down in his toes before spreading upwards. Oh.

Hoseok was… a mystery, mostly. He and Yoongi had sort of dated when they were teenagers up to their early twenties. Sort of dated because it had never been official, according to Yoongi, whatever that meant. They had been close, had been each other firsts, and although Yoongi had never shared much more than that, the mere thought of him made Seokjin feel funny. There was something about how fond yet lost Yoongi used to look when he mentioned him (they had discussed previous relationships when they first got together, though that had gradually ended; even then there had been moments when something had reminded Yoongi of Hoseok, like an item Hoseok had given him that he had forgotten he still had).

The worst part was that when they had still been getting to know each other and Yoongi had revealed he wrote music, he had awkwardly admitted many of his songs had been inspired by Hoseok. "He was my muse," he had stated. At the time, Seokjin hadn't dwelled on it too much (that was a lie, he had talked to Jimin about it repeatedly and pondered where he fit in, until Jimin had pointed out the past tense), but now it was all he could think of. A muse. Seokjin had no idea if he was Yoongi’s muse now and he had never bothered to ask, as it hadn’t seemed to matter.

Nonetheless, he couldn't let Yoongi know. He was secure in their relationship and he trusted Yoongi with his life and his heart, and he refused to let this small blip ruin anything between them. He would just need to be confident and mature - even though he could hear Taehyung scold him in his mind for misinterpreting the meaning of maturity - and let Yoongi know he was fine with this.

"I didn't realise you had kept in touch," he said, hoping he sounded as blasé as he intended.

"This is the first time I've heard from him in years," Yoongi admitted. His gaze was troubled as he focused on the laptop screen. Of course Yoongi was the type of person to never change his email address, as he had an unembarrassing one that worked (unlike Seokjin, who used to go by "bouldershoulders@naver.com" when he was younger), and it would have been easy for Hoseok to find him again. "The last time he contacted me was before I even met you. Why he suddenly wants to meet up is anyone's guess."

"Maybe he wants you to write music for him," Seokjin suggested. It made sense: Hoseok was a dancer, which was part of the reason he and Yoongi had lost touch (Hoseok’s success had taken him elsewhere and they had drifted apart). It wasn’t unlikely that he wanted to use a song written by a successful producer. Who happened to also be his ex.

Yoongi hummed, furrowing his eyebrows. “Maybe.” He tugged on his ear. “Should I meet him?”

Seokjin swallowed. He had no reason to tell him no. For starters, he disliked the idea of telling his partner what he was and wasn’t allowed to do; that wasn’t the sort of relationship he desired. For another, he believed in Yoongi. True, he didn't know Hoseok or his motives, but he had no reason to doubt Yoongi; his man was not a cheater. On the other hand, what if Yoongi met up with Hoseok, old feelings rekindled, and he respectfully broke up with Seokjin to be with Hoseok instead?

No… No, that was ridiculous. Not impossible, of course, but it was something that could potentially happen with anyone, a cute singer Yoongi worked with, a barista in his favourite coffee shop, an employee at the shop he bought most of his music equipment, and Seokjin wasn't concerned about any of that, so why should he be concerned about Hoseok?

"If it doesn't make you uncomfortable, then I don't see why not."

Yoongi stared at him, long and hard, before nodding. "I suppose it can't hurt to at least hear him out." He turned his laptop back towards him and clicked on the reply button. “Would you want to come with?”

He looked at Seokjin with large, questioning eyes, reminding Seokjin of a curious kitten. The truth was, Seokjin was uncertain. Part of him wanted to join to get an idea of who Hoseok was. Another part of him was worried it would only make him paranoid and that he’d overanalyse every single word and gesture.

“Oh, I don’t know. Wouldn’t it be strange if I’m there and you’re reminiscing about childhood stories?” Wouldn’t he be a third wheel?

Yoongi frowned and elbowed him in the side. “You don’t have to go, but it would be fine if you did. If Hobi is still like he used to be, he’d be open to meeting new people and we could leave whenever you wanted.”

That was Yoongi’s way of letting him know he wanted him there. And to be fair, it must make him anxious too, though for different reasons.

Seokjin leaned against his boyfriend and looped his arm through his. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if he came along. “As long as you’re sure it won’t be a problem.”

“It won’t be.” Yoongi glanced up at him, his shoulders sagging and a small smile on his face. “We can meet at that Korean BBQ restaurant you like. That one has booths, so we’ll have some privacy.” And they’d be on familiar turf, leaving them - especially Seokjin - more comfortable. Yoongi could be very thoughtful and Seokjin resisted the urge to kiss him, instead watching Yoongi type out his response.

It would be fine. He had Yoongi on his side and he wanted to show Yoongi that he was on his.

Annoyingly, Hoseok was charming. Charming and friendly and happy to share stories about Yoongi when he was younger.

“He was the good boy, the class president who told on anyone who didn’t follow the rules - like having hair that was too long. Then we graduated and he became a pastel punk boy, with dyed hair, makeup and leather jackets.” Hoseok laughed and smacked Yoongi’s arm. “He was still a good boy, though. He’d feed stray cats and help his elderly neighbour with her shopping and DIY jobs around the house.”

Yoongi groaned and covered his face. Seokjin laughed too and squeezed Yoongi’s thigh under the table. He had seen pictures of Yoongi when he was younger, but hearing about him back then was even more precious. Although Seokjin had some conflicting feelings about Hoseok calling Yoongi a good boy, especially so many times.

They had already gone over the initial introductions and had covered the story of how Seokjin and Yoongi had met, Hoseok had posed some questions about them together and about Seokjin personally, gushing a little over him as an actor. The topic of Yoongi’s success in the music world had come up, with Hoseok claiming he had never expected any different, and Hoseok had mentioned his own career (he was now a successful choreographer who was requested worldwide).

They had not, however, discussed why Hoseok was here.

“So, how come you contacted Yoongi again?” Seokjin asked innocently. “It had been a while.”

Hoseok held up his hand, having just shoved some beef into his mouth. “Mm, you see,” he reached for his water and took a large sip, “one of the companies I work with in New York is looking for new producers to add to their team and I thought Yoongs would be perfect for the job.” _Yoongs._ “Of course that was before I knew about you, Seokjin-ssi; I wouldn’t want to take him away from you.”

Oh. Well, that wasn’t actually too bad: why wouldn’t Hoseok remember Yoongi in this case? And if he had thought Yoongi might be single, or whatever he thought, it wouldn’t have been outrageous for him to take up the offer.

“And here I thought you just missed me,” Yoongi said dryly.

Hoseok laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “Well, there’s that too.”

There was a strange fluttering In Seokjin’s stomach that he chose to ignore.

“The only thing is…” Hoseok scratched the back of his head. “I got ahead of myself and kind of set up a meeting for you already. But! It couldn’t hurt to get your name out there. And you should be able to work from a distance, they do that with plenty of people. I could even change the meeting to an online one.”

"Oh." Yoongi blinked slowly. "I don't know." He glanced over at Seokjin, who tried to think fast and hoped his annoyance wasn't too obvious. Why would Hoseok set up a meeting without consulting Yoongi first? Then again, some people were impulsive like that and he _was_ offering Yoongi an out.

Was Seokjin biased against Hoseok or was he trying very hard not to be? He could no longer tell.

Seokjin cleared his throat and sat back, wiping at his mouth with a napkin to stall. He knew Yoongi needed him right now, but he honestly had no clue what the best response was. "It is an amazing opportunity," he ended up saying.

"It is, but it's totally up to you if you want it - and how," Hoseok reminded him. "Think about it, I don't need an answer straight away."

He changed the topic to his plans for while he was in Korea (apparently he wanted to visit his hometown, which caused an entire conversation with a less tense Yoongi about his parents and his sister). Seokjin, instead, chose to remain quiet and focused on eating and well-timed laughter.

By the time they got home, he felt on edge. Hoseok had been friendly, sure, but that was exactly the problem: Seokjin felt like he paled in comparison. He had ended up sulking in silence - though he had tried to cover it up - while Hoseok had been, well, wonderful. The life of the party, where the entire world was the party, and he had been Yoongi's life.

Seokjin took Yoongi's coat from him and hung it up before they took off their shoes. They hadn't said much on the way, but that wasn't exactly rare for them: they were both introverts who were comfortable without speaking. Another mystery there, as Hoseok was clearly an extrovert, so how had he gone from him to Seokjin? Then again, not everyone had a specific type. He didn't either.

Yoongi yawned as he dropped onto the settee, his eyelids fluttering closed and his long lashes casting shadows on the roundness of his cheeks. Seokjin bit his lip, endeared by the sight.

Nonetheless, he knew there was a question he needed to ask, and he had to try to make it sound as casual as possible. Taking a deep breath in through his nose, he wandered over to the kitchen to grab them both a bottle of water.

"So, New York, huh?" he shouted as he opened the refrigerator. "That could be interesting." All he heard was a noncommittal hum from the living room as he closed the fridge. He resisted the urge to sigh. It wasn’t Yoongi's fault he wasn't saying what was bothering him, and he could hardly expect his boyfriend to be able to read his mind (although that did seem easier at times).

"Is it something you're interested in?" he asked, aiming for curiosity mixed with nonchalance, as he came back to the living room and handed Yoongi a bottle. He sat down beside him and Yoongi sighed as he straightened up. He pouted thoughtfully and toyed with the label rather than taking a sip.

"I don't really know," Yoongi admitted. "I like what I do now. On the other hand, it's true it would be a great opportunity," Hoseok had dropped the company name right before they had parted ways and even Seokjin had recognised it, "but what if my freedom is limited?"

"Make sure you don't sign anything until you've had someone check over the contract for you," Seokjin suggested. Yoongi generally checked them himself, but with overseas companies, it was often safest to have an attorney look into it as discrepancies between the translation and the original meant the original counted.

Yoongi made a noise of agreement before falling silent again. He leaned against Seokjin's side and toyed with his rings. "What about New York?"

Seokjin momentarily tensed up, then slung his arm around Yoongi's shoulder. "New York is a fascinating city. It could be fun."

"Would you come?"

Yoongi rolled his head back and looked up at Seokjin, who resisted the urge to squish his cheeks.

"I can't," Seokjin said apologetically. "My new drama starts shooting next week." He paused. Realistically, he knew he had nothing to worry about. No one loved him like Yoongi did, and no one loved Yoongi like he did. "You could go without me?" he suggested. They had travelled for work before and used texting and videochat to keep each other updated, it was no big deal. "It shouldn't be a very long trip, right?"

"I guess." Yoongi sounded almost petulant and Seokjin couldn't believe people thought he was this tough little rapper when, really, he was a soft sweetheart who pouted to get his way.

"Think about what choice you'd make if I wasn't part of the equation," Seokjin told him. When Yoongi cocked his head and promised he would, Seokjin told himself he'd be fine with whatever Yoongi decided. He'd never want to stop someone he loved from chasing their dream. And he firmly squashed down the little voice in his head that told him that no one might love Yoongi the way he did, but no one loved him the way Hoseok had either.

"If it bothers you so much, why did you let him go?"

Seokjin bristled at Jimin's comment. He and Yoongi had discussed the entire New York situation some more and, in the end, Yoongi had admitted he was curious and wanted to at least check it out - in person. They sent messages daily, at least good mornings and good nights, and where Seokjin sent selfies he took on set, Yoongi sent some from where he was exploring the city, including one taken from a boat with the Statue of Liberty behind him and another on Times Square, plus a few of him eating, in burger joints and bistros and pizzerias, with several visits to Soho.

Which was fine, it was fine. But many of them included a glimpse of Hoseok in the background or in a reflection, and while that made sense - Hoseok was showing him around and they were undoubtedly catching up on time lost - it made Seokjin wonder. What if Yoongi realised how much better suited for him Hoseok was?

"You don’t _let_ someone do things in a relationship. You need to be considerate of each other, discuss whether it works with regard to time and finances, but no one needs _permission_."

Jimin rolled his eyes. "I know that, I misspoke. All I meant was: why didn't you tell him how it made you feel?"

Seokjin shrugged and picked at his snacks, ignoring the warning from a passing assistant who reminded him he was due to shoot another scene soon. Jimin had been kind enough to visit him on set and had brought along some food, giving puppy eyes to any staff member who had tried to stop him.

"I'm overreacting," Seokjin explained. "Why bother him with that?"

Jimin raised his eyebrows. "Overreacting or not, he'll understand if you need some reassurance. It's not like you'd tell him he can't be around Hoseok-ssi anymore." He lowered his voice to add: "For the record, I still find it dodgy as hell that his ex is back in the picture."

"He seems nice," Seokjin defended feebly. Part of him did agree that it was odd, despite Hoseok's explanation. Whether they were talented or not, why contact someone you had clearly hurt to offer them a job opportunity? It might be a great offer, but Yoongi didn't _need_ it. Had he been without work, fair enough. As it was, however…

Unless Hoseok was simply that nice.

Jimin scoffed and ran his hand through his hair. "Hyung, I love you but you're being far too kind." He spotted a member of staff and sighed, jumping up and wiping his hands on his jeans. "I think I should go, they need you again. Look… I'm not saying this guy isn't nice, but I haven't met him and I'm staying wary for now. Promise me you'll talk to Yoongi hyung about this?"

Seokjin did, although both of them knew he was lying.

That night, when he was in bed, freshly washed, face still pink, he unlocked his phone and scrolled through his messages with Yoongi. He missed him. A week and a half weren’t even that long for them to be apart, but it was the first time Seokjin had felt this insecure and lonely without Yoongi, which made it feel much longer.

Sighing, he decided to brush those thoughts aside for now. He lifted his phone above his head to snap a picture and sent it to Yoongi with a kiss emoji and a 'missing you'. He knew Jimin was right: he needed to talk to Yoongi. It was easier said than done, though, when you were scared to hear the answer.

He put on some music and started his bed-time stretches, a routine that helped him stay flexible and loosened up his muscles for a good night's sleep. As he was in the process of reaching for his toes, one of Yoongi's songs came on. There was always a sense of pride when he listened to them, in addition to the mere appreciation for his music and his voice. Now, though, Seokjin stopped what he was doing and slowly sat back up, staring over at his phone.

The song was about dreams and struggles, a certain wistfulness to the words and the melody. Seokjin had always liked the song, but now he was hearing it differently.

Had it been inspired by Hoseok? Did it remind Yoongi of his past love whenever it played? Had Seokjin unknowingly been part of a sort of love triangle every time he had put it on? Was Yoongi writing songs about Hoseok now? Perhaps he returned to his hotel room every night filled with an inspiration Seokjin had never been able to evoke in him. Perhaps it was giving him second thoughts. After all, who wouldn't want to keep their muse close? Closer, perhaps, than their current lover.

He knew Taehyung would tell him a muse didn't need to be romantic, and yet… And yet.

Now gloomy, Seokjin finished up the rest of his stretches quickly, half-heartedly, before turning off his music - a new IU song - and checking his messages. Nothing. Yoongi hadn’t even read it yet. He was probably just busy, stuck in another meeting, or he was resting, or out exploring. Seokjin never expected prompt replies - but Yoongi usually gave them anyway. He knew Seokjin's routine well.

"Stop it," he told himself. He refused to be the kind of boyfriend who constantly wanted to know where his significant other was. He set his alarm and got under the covers, determined to sleep as though nothing were wrong.

Seokjin was wearing a comfortable hoodie with the hood pulled up and a mask covering half his face. Yoongi would finally come home today and Seokjin had decided to pick him up from the airport, even though his flight would come in at five in the morning and Yoongi had told him it was fine, he could make his own way home.

"Don't be ridiculous, I'll be there whether you like it or not," Seokjin had huffed over the phone.

Yoongi had chuckled. "Oh, I'll like it, don't worry. I wonder if you will."

Seokjin's eyes watered due to his large yawn. He was starting to see Yoongi's point. Nonetheless, he had missed Yoongi a lot and the sooner he saw him, the better.

When Yoongi stepped through the sliding doors at last, Seokjin's heart fluttered, then settled down comfortably before crashing down when Hoseok followed behind him. Oh.

Yoongi's eyes lit up when he spotted him and he shuffled over a little faster, which looked almost comical considering the large suitcase he was dragging behind him. He came to a stop in front of Seokjin and leaned into him. Seokjin wrapped his arms around him and briefly rested his cheek on Yoongi's hair, then pulled back to nod over at Hoseok, who waved and smiled.

Seokjin looked down into Yoongi's tired eyes and wished he could kiss his nose. "Glad to have you back," he muttered. Yoongi smiled and nudged him with his shoulder, which Seokjin knew meant he was happy too.

"I thought you were staying in New York?" Seokjin asked Hoseok, going for casual. After all, hadn't that been the point of Hoseok spending some time in Korea before the trip, to wrap up whatever it was he had needed to do here?

"No, I have some time off and thought I could use it for a holiday here." Hoseok looked around Incheon and grinned. "Being here before made me realise how much I had missed it, so why not?"

Why not indeed? Seokjin pushed down the ugly voice in his head that wanted to ask whether the country was all he had missed and instead took Yoongi's suitcase from him with minimal protest from his boyfriend. "Do you need a ride?" Seokjin offered, but wanting to be rude.

"Are you sure? I'm staying in Myeondong, I don't mind taking the train!"

He looked so relieved that Seokjin didn't dare turn him down now. He plastered on a smile and nodded. "It's fine. Just tell me the address and I'll put it in the GPS so you can both sleep on the way." He knew Yoongi could sleep pretty much anywhere, but planes were never the most comfortable for it, so he could use the extra rest. And, well. Seokjin was nice.

Yoongi clambered into the passenger's seat and made himself comfortable as soon as they reached the car, his bag at his feet. He left his suitcase to Seokjin, who put it in the trunk.

"Here, give me yours," he said to Hoseok. He was painfully aware of the fact that this was the first time they were alone together and he kind of wished Hoseok would just sit down in the car.

"Thanks!" Hoseok rolled his suitcase forward and waited for Seokjin to put it in. "This is a nice car, by the way."

Seokjin flashed him a smile. "It's comfortable and spacious." He gestured at the back seat. "Let's get in and you can put the address in my phone." He slammed the trunk shut and breathed in as Hoseok got in the car. See, Hoseok was perfectly friendly. He hadn’t stopped thanking Seokjin for his generosity and Seokjin was being unfair to him. He could see how Yoongi had fallen for him, and it wouldn’t be either of their faults if it happened again. _If._ There was no reason to believe it would.

He got in the car, handed Hoseok his phone with the GPS open, and leaned over a sleeping Yoongi to put on his seatbelt for him. Once they were ready to go, Seokjin turned on some music - with the volume down so it wouldn’t disturb Yoongi. He only relaxed when he realised Hoseok was settling down to sleep as well, because he had a feeling the other man was a chatty one and it was both too early and too difficult to deal with that.

Yoongi hadn’t told him Hoseok was coming back with him. Which either meant he hadn’t deemed it important, or he had purposely hid it from him. Or he hadn’t even known till the last moment. Seokjin knew it was unlikely Yoongi would have hidden anything - Yoongi appreciated honesty, unless he were hiding a surprise or trying to win a game. God, here he went again: overthinking it. It didn’t help that there had been some criticism about his latest Kdrama: some people were unhappy with his acting choices or with him being chosen. In addition, yesterday one of the producers had been in a bad mood and been rather harsh with him, none of which making him feel any more confident. He had hoped seeing his boyfriend would be the perfect distraction, but Hoseok was unintentionally putting a damper on things.

Seokjin pulled up at the hotel and reached behind him to nudge Hoseok awake. Luckily, he seemed to be a light sleeper and he woke up quickly, yawning and stretching. Seokjin got out to open the trunk and waited for Hoseok to crawl out the car. He stretched again when he was out and turned around to pull his bag from the seat. A grumpy-looking Yoongi left the car as well to say goodbye, leaning against the car door.

“Thank you for dropping me off,” Hoseok said, moving in for a quick hug. Seokjin patted him on the back, unsure how to respond to the sudden skinship. He straightened out his clothes when Hoseok let go of him and instead went in to hug Yoongi.

“It was fun to hang out again,” he said. “I’ll see you soon?”

Yoongi nodded and Hoseok gave him a big kiss on his cheek before letting go, leaving Seokjin frozen. Hoseok slung his bag around his shoulder and grabbed the handle of his suitcase.

“Bye, guys!” he shouted before walking into the hotel.

Seokjin watched him go, then turned to Yoongi, who was looking back at him like he was trying to read his mind. No big deal. Some friends kissed. Right? It was normal. Fine. And they’d see each other soon. Also fine. He took a deep breath and gestured at the car.

“Get in, we should get home so you can nap. Or eat, because I’m guessing you didn’t eat much on the plane.” He glared at him playfully and ignored the way Yoongi seemed to see right through him. Damn it.

This time Yoongi put on his own seatbelt before placing his hand on Seokjin’s thigh. “Hey… I love you.”

Seokjin looked back at him. He could hear the sincerity in Yoongi’s voice and felt bad he had made him feel like he doubted his love. “I know.” He took Yoongi’s hand in his own and lifted it to his face to kiss it, making Yoongi sputter and blush. Seokjin smiled, endeared. “I love you too.”

The past few days Yoongi had been busy in his studio. Not only had he signed the contract with the New York company, but apparently he had also been extra inspired for new music to add to his mixtape. Of course Seokjin was excited for him, but it also made him wonder what had been the cause for this sudden bout of inspiration.

He sighed and ran through his lines again. Yoongi seemed to know something was up, though so far it looked like he was waiting for Seokjin to bring it up himself. In the meantime, he was loving and attentive and Seokjin hated that he kept getting caught up in his thoughts.

It was just… He didn’t often feel like he was enough and with Yoongi he did. Except now he couldn’t help but wonder if Hoseok wasn’t filling some gap Yoongi himself hadn’t even realised was there. He might not even realise it now, not fully (or he didn’t know how to explain himself without upsetting Seokjin).

His phone pinged and he reached for it immediately, only slightly disappointed when it turned out to be from his mum. He typed out a response, then put his phone away so he could focus. No use being distracted by non-existent messages from Yoongi, who was lost in work and wouldn’t send anything for a while yet. He had a career to focus on; his life didn’t revolve around his relationship, although it was a key part of it.

That might be the problem: he was relying on Yoongi too much and needed to rely on himself more. If he relied on himself, he might be confident enough not to worry about strangers who used to co-star in Yoongi’s life coming in and stealing him away - even without meaning to. It wasn’t that he had no self-worth, of course, but Yoongi had been the one who had helped build it and he needed to learn to be his own support more often.

What if Yoongi got fed up with always needing to be his rock?

He knew both Yoongi and his friends would tell him off if they knew he thought that way, for Seokjin was making it sound like he was co-dependent, which he wasn’t, and like Yoongi never leaned on _him_ , which he did. He recalled his promise to Jimin and thought he should probably make good on that promise now. After all, he was so concerned over his life falling apart that it was affecting even his work, and he downright refused to put out something that wasn’t perfect because he knew he was better than that.

Of course, that night Yoongi told Seokjin that Hoseok had asked him to come visit his parents since they had missed him, and Seokjin smiled and told him he should go, cursing himself for not speaking up when he had the chance. Yoongi had spoken so fondly of the Jung parents, though, and Seokjin wanted to be supportive. Not that he couldn’t be supportive while also being open about his concerns, but he could feel his mask sliding in place in front of the one person he had rarely worn it for.

Yoongi watched him carefully and put down his glass of wine, sighing deeply. “Jin. Please tell me what’s wrong.” He held up his hand and shook his head when Seokjin widened his eyes innocently. “Don’t tell me it’s nothing. I know you better than that and I’ve been waiting for you to tell me yourself, but you haven’t yet and I worry that this - whatever it is - will drive a wedge between us.” He rolled the stem of his glass between his fingers and stared down at the table. “Is this about Hoseok?”

Seokjin swallowed. He should have known Yoongi would catch on. As much as people sometimes thought he was rather oblivious, he was in fact highly observant and he did in fact know Seokjin very well. “It’s… complicated.”

“That’s okay.”

He wasn’t getting out of this, was he?

“Jin…”

Seokjin blinked over at Yoongi, thoughts racing. Yoongi seemed hesitant, insecure. In short: he looked how Seokjin felt.

“You know you’re the only one for me, right?” Yoongi asked slowly, almost nervously. “Hoseok, he was my past. We’re rebuilding our friendship, nothing else. Even if he wanted more, I wouldn’t, because I have you.”

“He’s different from me,” Seokjin said simply, unsure how else to articulate the issue.

Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows. “Okay. Many people are different from you. Do you mean you think he’s better?” He sighed when Seokjin stayed quiet. “Look… I have been having a good time reconnecting with him, because he’s fun to be around, but you’re my present and hopefully my future and I see you in a very different light from him.” He laughed, looking embarrassed and avoiding Seokjin’s eyes. “Please say something.”

“I guess I just…” Seokjin groaned and threw up his arms. “This is difficult for me! He was your muse, things ended without truly ending, I just worry that you’ll reconnect and find that he’s much better suited for you.”

Yoongi gave him a _look_. “He left me randomly. Part of me speaking to him is trying to find out why, not because he’s ‘better suited for me’, but because I won’t need to wonder ever again once I know. As for him being my muse: so what? He was a large part of my life and introduced me to new things, but I haven’t written about him or because of him in years now. It’s you, you dick.”

“But you- After New York…”

“I missed you while I was there,” Yoongi mumbled. “Thought about you a lot and being reminded of how different you are made me think of everything I wanted you to know. That’s why I was inspired. Not because of Hoseok.” He placed his long fingers on Seokjin’s wrist. “You’re very special to me. You were my guiding light out of the darkness, a spark of hope when I had none, and no amount of history with Hoseok can replace that, can replace _you_.”

Ah, Yoongi wasn’t one to frequently express his feelings if it wasn’t in song, and neither he nor Seokjin quite knew how to deal with this situation. Seokjin was touched, though, and he knew his ears must be red due to all of the attention and affection.

“Oh.”

Yoongi’s lips twitched. “ _Oh._ ”

Seokjin pursed his lips and squeezed Yoongi’s fingers with his own. “You’re special to me too.”

Yoongi grinned, his cute gummy smile on display. “I know.”

“You’re my safe space and I guess, before he showed up, I didn’t think that could disappear. Not that I don’t trust you, but…” He shrugged, trying to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. “My insecurities reared their head and I didn’t know what to do. Knowing that who you were with before me was my opposite scared me.”

“He’s not your opposite. And even if he were, who cares? I picked you. I’d pick you every single time.”

Flustered, Seokjin shoved his shoulder. “Okay, that’s enough.” As much as he loved it, it made him feel as embarrassed as it did Yoongi. “I believe you, you can stop now.” He knew he wasn’t fully there yet - he still needed to work on himself. It was a start, though. It was the reassurance he had needed yet had been too scared to ask for.

Yoongi smiled and leaned in for a kiss, which Seokjin gladly reciprocated.

“Thank you,” Seokjin mumbled against his lips. Yoongi responded by squeezing his waist and deepening the kiss.

“Here.”

Seokjin looked from the CD case Yoongi was holding out to him to Yoongi’s face. “What’s this?” He took it gingerly.

“It’s my mixtape.” Yoongi sat down beside him and tapped the cover, which resembled two people intertwined. “I asked Jeongguk to design the artwork. It looks good, doesn’t it?”

Seokjin nodded, impressed by their friend’s skills. And, of course, impressed by the album in general. He knew Yoongi had been busy wrapping it up, but he had no idea he had finished it already, or that he had asked Jeongguk for help. It didn’t make him feel low, though: this was _Yoongi’s_ project, and he was often quite private about his work till it was done, ever the perfectionist.

Things had been better between them since they talked. Seokjin had started therapy to help with his insecurities and to help him speak up rather than keep quiet till everything exploded in his face. Granted, Yoongi had intervened before it got that far, but what if he hadn’t?

Hoseok had returned to the USA and was travelling around again, occasionally sending a message Yoongi’s way, but Seokjin was no longer bothered by it, though he still did wonder if Hoseok would have made a move had Seokjin not been in the picture. In the end, he supposed it didn’t matter.

“Open it.” Yoongi nodded at the case, looking nervous and impatient.

Seokjin raised his eyebrows. “Okay…” He carefully opened the large case, the kind where a foam centre held the CD in place, which was great, except there was no CD in there. “It’s empty.” He leaned in closer. “Wait…” His heart skipped a beat and his head swung in Yoongi’s direction. His boyfriend was watching him anxiously, his eyes flickering to the case.

With his heart pounding, Seokjin reached down and pulled a ring away from the foam, a silver band with a diamond in the middle, a crescent moon made of amethyst on each side. “What is this?”

“This,” Yoongi said, his voice shaking a bit as he took the ring from Seokjin’s hand, “is me asking you if you’d spend the rest of my life with me, and if you’ll let me spend the rest of your life with you. I’d like you to officially be my future.” He took Seokjin’s hand and glanced up at him from under his lashes. “Kim Seokjin, will you marry me?”

Seokjin’s breath hitched and all he could do was nod, then laugh tearily when Yoongi slid the ring on his finger before taking him in his arms and kissing him. As they made their way to the bedroom, losing their clothes along the way until all that was left was the ring on Seokjin’s finger, Seokjin remembered how he had thought this album might lead to something big.

And as Yoongi made love to him ever so sweetly, holding his hand the entire time, he couldn’t be happier that he had been right.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, and you can also find me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/sea_thehorizon).


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